Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Finding My Way Back Home

It has been such a long time since I have blogged. I almost don't even know where to begin. In the past I would talk about my business or funny things that were going on in my life but rarely would I write on a personal level. At this point, I feel the need to become more personal and I'm not even sure if anyone is even following my blog any longer. So if nothing else this will be a post for me to reaffirm that I have found my way back home.

2012 was the turning point, the point of no return. Everything that was familiar and normal changed on January 3rd. My husband was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and was told that his heart was working at 10% capacity, and he would need to be put on the heart transplant list. There are approximately 425,000 people waiting for a heart and about 2500 people actually receive one. Those numbers are staggering.  Within months, I visually watched my husband decline. The man that has always been full of energy was now in a weakened state.

He could no longer work, he could no longer climb the front steps of our home, so decisions had to be made quickly. We moved out of our home of 11 years into a very small home that would be manageable for him. I became the packer, the moving company and the caretaker. My head was spinning with decisions and worry. I felt like I was living someone elses life. There was nothing that resembled my life. We were now in survival mode. I packed up my office and said goodbye to my business without looking back.

On November 5 we received a call from the heart transplant team that they had a heart. Our emotions were all over the place. We prayed, cried and said all the things that needed to be said on our drive to New Orleans. My husband received the heart of a 26 year old man who was killed in a fatal accident due to a drunk driver. I was asked so many times if I was praying for a heart and my response was always the same. I could not pray for a heart as it meant someone would have to lose their life and their family would lose a loved one. I could only have faith that God would watch over my husband.

It has been a long road home with many ups and downs. We met the donor's family and we all watched as his mother laid her head on my husbands chest and cried as she listened to her son's heart. Nothing prepares you for that moment. We have become very close and we love them dearly.

My husband is regaining his strength and each day is a gift full of blessings.  As my husband has grown stronger I prayed about my business. Should I go back to making a few pillows in my home? Should I just not do anything but plant flowers?  I have spent many mornings in silence so I could hear Him and receive His blessings. He has answered me by bringing many of my customers back. Not in a large way but enough to keep me busy. For that I am truly thankful. I know that we have found our way back home because of absolute faith.

Blessings to all of you,